Another sleepless night
Another night lost in my memories
Another one of those nights..
I lay awake on the bed
Trying to fall into slumber
But I shut my eyes
And your face is all I can see
The face I see is blurred..
Like my mind doesn't want me to recall..
But I know that it is you..
Our memories start flashing by
Begins with the bad ones..
But eventually just the sweet ones..
Everything.. every bit.. every detail..
Your smile.. your hand for mine
Your warmth.. your lips on mine
It all really happened.. right?
Why is it that the one relationship..
I thought I did everything right..
Is the one I actually screwed up the most..?
Love blinds you from your own mistakes..
I would have done everything in my power..
To undo mine..
But not everyone gets a second chance..
Alcohol and tobacco doesn't take away the pain..
If anything it's a temporary numbness
Keep telling myself to 'man' up..
To do well for myself
But it is so difficult..
So.. much harder than anticipated..
I need that little bit of comfort..
To ease the pain..
So I can go through another day..
How long will it take..
I really do not know..
You were so special
You are everything I could possibly ask for..
And so much more..
You've probably moved on by now..
Glad to see you doing so well..
Hey..
You are happy..
Isn't that all that matters?

Maybe I deserved this..
Maybe she deserves better..
Looking at myself now..
I question myself..
"Maybe she did the right thing..?"

Have you ever..
tried to hold on to something..
as hard as you are trying to let go..?

I can't even begin to describe..
how much I miss you

As I entered the apartment..
For a split second there..
I am glad that I am back..
But suddenly it all hit me..
It's all gone now..
Everything..
Feels like I am stepping into ruins..
Remnants of what has been..
Slowly fading into the recesses of my memories..
Is this all that is left?
Memories..?
Once so real.. so tangible..
Now revisited only by closing my eyes..
It is scary really..
How this used to be a place I loved..
with the person I love..
Now become a place I fear to even step into..
Never thought this is the way..
I will say goodbye to this place..

I never even stood a chance..

Now he knows..

That even the strongest of structures..

Can crumble in the blink of an eye..

A single brick misplaced is all it takes..

Thought he built a strong foundation..

Turns out he is the worst kind of architect..

who overlooked a fatal flaw in the structure..

He saw the signs.. the cracks..

But he did not do anything..

Stupidly believing that the foundation was strong enough..

Now he is standing atop the rubble..

Having just witnessed..

everything crumble into bits before his eyes..

It meant everything to him..

He would have glued the bits back one by one..

He tried and he tried..

But the bits only crumbled in his hands..

If only he had another chance..

More time..

The horror of looking back and seeing what went wrong..

Yet.. helpless to do anything about it..

Will bring any man to his knees..

Especially something that meant the world to him..

Out of the endless possibilities..

This is the one he did not foresee..

Closure

I love you.. I always have.. I always will..

Be strong, fight for the things you believe in..

Don't let anything get in your way..

Take good care of yourself..

And know that..

I will always be here for you..

You will always be my pizza girl..

Things will get better..

I know things will get better from now on...

If I did not know before.. I know now..

Give me a chance to make things right..

To make it up to you..

Let us start all over again..

Let me make you smile all over again..

Laugh at my stupid jokes again..

Why does it have to be pressure.. and responsibility and pain..

Is that all that is left of us..?

All those sweet sweet memories..

All we have been through..

All those times I let you feel loved..

All those times you said "I love you" to me..

Is that not enough to want to make things work..?

Please don't punish me for a single mistake..

When I have done everything else right..

One that I let myself so foolishly make..

Because I let myself get too comfortable..

I remember everything you told me..

I listen..

Don't let my one mistake be a fatal one..

If so I will never forgive myself..

.

Baby... happy 2 years and 2 months anniversary..

I miss you so... so... much.