Another sleepless night
Another night lost in my memories
Another one of those nights..
I lay awake on the bed
Trying to fall into slumber
But I shut my eyes
And your face is all I can see
The face I see is blurred..
Like my mind doesn't want me to recall..
But I know that it is you..
Our memories start flashing by
Begins with the bad ones..
But eventually just the sweet ones..
Everything.. every bit.. every detail..
Your smile.. your hand for mine
Your warmth.. your lips on mine
It all really happened.. right?
Why is it that the one relationship..
I thought I did everything right..
Is the one I actually screwed up the most..?
Love blinds you from your own mistakes..
I would have done everything in my power..
To undo mine..
But not everyone gets a second chance..
Alcohol and tobacco doesn't take away the pain..
If anything it's a temporary numbness
Keep telling myself to 'man' up..
To do well for myself
But it is so difficult..
So.. much harder than anticipated..
I need that little bit of comfort..
To ease the pain..
So I can go through another day..
How long will it take..
I really do not know..
You were so special
You are everything I could possibly ask for..
And so much more..
You've probably moved on by now..
Glad to see you doing so well..
Hey..
You are happy..
Isn't that all that matters?

Maybe I deserved this..
Maybe she deserves better..
Looking at myself now..
I question myself..
"Maybe she did the right thing..?"

Have you ever..
tried to hold on to something..
as hard as you are trying to let go..?

I can't even begin to describe..
how much I miss you

As I entered the apartment..
For a split second there..
I am glad that I am back..
But suddenly it all hit me..
It's all gone now..
Everything..
Feels like I am stepping into ruins..
Remnants of what has been..
Slowly fading into the recesses of my memories..
Is this all that is left?
Memories..?
Once so real.. so tangible..
Now revisited only by closing my eyes..
It is scary really..
How this used to be a place I loved..
with the person I love..
Now become a place I fear to even step into..
Never thought this is the way..
I will say goodbye to this place..

I never even stood a chance..

Now he knows..

That even the strongest of structures..

Can crumble in the blink of an eye..

A single brick misplaced is all it takes..

Thought he built a strong foundation..

Turns out he is the worst kind of architect..

who overlooked a fatal flaw in the structure..

He saw the signs.. the cracks..

But he did not do anything..

Stupidly believing that the foundation was strong enough..

Now he is standing atop the rubble..

Having just witnessed..

everything crumble into bits before his eyes..

It meant everything to him..

He would have glued the bits back one by one..

He tried and he tried..

But the bits only crumbled in his hands..

If only he had another chance..

More time..

The horror of looking back and seeing what went wrong..

Yet.. helpless to do anything about it..

Will bring any man to his knees..

Especially something that meant the world to him..

Out of the endless possibilities..

This is the one he did not foresee..

Closure

I love you.. I always have.. I always will..

Be strong, fight for the things you believe in..

Don't let anything get in your way..

Take good care of yourself..

And know that..

I will always be here for you..

You will always be my pizza girl..

Things will get better..

I know things will get better from now on...

If I did not know before.. I know now..

Give me a chance to make things right..

To make it up to you..

Let us start all over again..

Let me make you smile all over again..

Laugh at my stupid jokes again..

Why does it have to be pressure.. and responsibility and pain..

Is that all that is left of us..?

All those sweet sweet memories..

All we have been through..

All those times I let you feel loved..

All those times you said "I love you" to me..

Is that not enough to want to make things work..?

Please don't punish me for a single mistake..

When I have done everything else right..

One that I let myself so foolishly make..

Because I let myself get too comfortable..

I remember everything you told me..

I listen..

Don't let my one mistake be a fatal one..

If so I will never forgive myself..

.

Baby... happy 2 years and 2 months anniversary..

I miss you so... so... much.

You..

You are my best friend..

my shoulder to lean on..

The one person I know I can count on..

You're the love of my life...

You're my one and only..

You're my everything..

You are my pizza girl.. my baby

Let's pull through.. together

I am not sure if she'll even look at this blog, but I really have nowhere else I can say this..

Don't let our story end

with such a gloomy ending..

There are still so many pages to fill

but I can't fill them by myself..

You are the main character..

and I your supporting character

You always were, you always will be..

We have come so, so far.. too far..

to let it all vanish into thin air now..

to crumble into pieces..

Don't write 'the end' just yet

Let's move on to our next chapter..

You were always so strong..

don't give up on me, on us now..

Don't let this..

take away what we have together..

what we built together..

Don't let this bring us down..

but make us stronger..

You can't live on faith,

but faith has brought us this far..

Why not let it bring us further..?

To unprecedented heights.. to the top of the world?

It's never enough how many times I say 'I Love You'

You may have gotten sick of it, of me..

but for me..

Every single day..

I love you all over again..

I have loved you all over again..

for 783 times..

I'll never stop..

never did, never will..

Please let me be there for you,

no matter what..

You know I am worth it..

Let me see your sweet sweet smile again..

Let me feel your head on my shoulder again..

Let me feel your lips on mine again..

Baby..

I love you.. so very much

So much that it tears me apart, piece by piece..

every single second that we are apart..

So much that I feel nothing..

but a void within me..

So much that I see nothing..

but darkness in front of me..

Don't let this fairy tale end..

Sherraine Chan

My baby.. my pizza girl..